A man walked into an episode of Game of Thrones. He was instantly beset by pirates, mostly those who didn’t want to pay for HBO. He fought back bravely, but bravery often gets you killed in Westeros — although, arguably, less often than a functioning moral compass or the surname of “Stark.” Remarkably, in a twist that no one saw coming, except for readers of the novels and anyone in close proximity to readers of the novels, the man was rescued by a tertiary character mentioned only once in a previous season and whisked away to a far-off land conveniently spotlighted in the opening credits. Unremarkably, however, the man soon found himself at a brothel, where he asked without a trace of irony, “Who does a guy have to @#$% to get a drink around here?” “Us,” answered thirteen already-nude prostitutes in unison. After making a down payment with six of them, the man reached for a goblet of mead, but was prevented, i.e. beheaded, by the tertiary character, who had decided to double-cross him for reasons yet to be explained, possibly three episodes later… or in the inevitable Blu-Ray commentary. Oh, what a cliffhanger!
© 2014 Tony Vicory.