A Halloween Love Story

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A man walked into a costume party. He was not dressed for the occasion… although, he might have been, if Creepy Naked Guy were an acceptable thing to be. “What are you doing?” his girlfriend shouted, rushing across the room to cover his private bits with a 4×4 paper napkin. “I wanted to be sexy,” the man said confusedly, “like all of you.” “Well, this is not how you do it,” his girlfriend replied. She was reddening with embarrassment, but it was hard to tell, since she was dressed as a sexy tomato. “But look,” the man argued, pointing at individual revelers, “there’s sexy water sprinkler and sexy dismembered corpse and sexy pantomime Hidalgo from the 2004 action-adventure film, Hidalgo…” His girlfriend began to cry. “Oh, Peter, you just haven’t been the same since that freak weather balloon accident,” she said, whimpering. “I’m sorry,” Peter answered, lowering his head. It was true: those weather balloons had changed him — and not for the better. “Don’t worry, Lisa,” he said, “I’ll leave.” He tried patting her on the shoulder, but soon remembered that tomatoes really didn’t have shoulders. Lisa wiped her eyes and smiled. “No,” she said, clearing her throat, “I mustn’t be upset; this isn’t your fault.” She let go of the napkin and began to remove her own costume. “You are sexy,” she announced boldly, “and I’m going to be sexy with you.” Just then, the party’s host cut in and said, “Listen, guys, you’re really starting to gross everyone out; I mean, sexy wholesale tuna just threw up in the punch bowl.” Peter and Lisa turned to see and yes, indeed, how unfortunate for sexy wholesale tuna. “I’m gonna need to ask you to go,” the host said. Peter nodded. “We understand,” he replied. “Yeah,” Lisa added, “I guess we’re just too sexy for this sexy costume party.” She wrapped her bare arm around Peter’s. “Come along,” she said, and together they walked unashamed out of the ballroom, passing by sexy wind chimes and sexy Grim Reaper and sexy half-eaten bologna sandwich…

© 2014 Tony Vicory.

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