Have you ever wondered what your favorite characters/people would be like if they were, in fact, dirtbags?* Well, wonder no more. (About that, obviously. By all means, wonder away about other stuff. Like otters, for instance.) Thankfully, Mallory Ortberg, an editor of The Toast and undeniable genius, eliminates the cumbersome guesswork of imagining for yourself by bringing these dirtbags to glorious life for you. Still incredulous? Fine, then. Feast your brain feelers on a scene from the dirtbag version of Shakespeare’s Macbeth:
MACBETH is sleeping. LADY MACBETH pops a BMX wheelie over their bed.
LADY MACBETH: you should kill duncan
LADY MACBETH: or i could do it
LADY MACBETH: its fine ill do it
LADY MACBETH wheelies offstage.
That’s right: you’re sold. You can find more here, here and here. And when you’ve finished, make sure to read everything else The Toast has to offer. It’s one of the funniest websites around that isn’t actually this website.
*Your favorite characters/people may be dirtbags already, in which case, no wondering is required. Also… why?
2014 Tony Vicory.