A man walked into a writing desk. “This doesn’t belong in the kitchen,” he said. After wiping the sandwich fixings off, he then moved it into the restroom, where he did his best thinking. “You’ve been misused for far too long,” he told the desk, at that point unaware of just how conversationally unresponsive furniture can be. “From now on,” he declared, “you’ll perform the job you were born to do.” (He was also unaware of carpentry and the theological implausibility of predestined home furnishings.) “But what shall I write on you?” the man mused. Unfortunately, the writing desk was less than cooperative in providing an answer — in fact, it seemed generally uninterested in authorship altogether — and so the man repurposed it, quite angrily, as a toiletry cabinet and bought a computer instead. He then spent most of his time in the tub, reading jokes from the Internet, which he later learned were called “comments sections.” Soon, he was struck with an epiphany — actually, it was electricity, when he tried to use the laptop’s power cord to stir his bubble bath — and following six months of intensive rehabilitation, the man decided to talk about his experience: first, with his hospital bed, and later, with people online who inexplicably enjoyed stories about other people walking into things. Of course, the demand for such stories grew exponentially and thus Amanwalked.com was created. It soon became the world’s premier destination for stories jokes about human bipedal locomotion in the past tense. But that was then. Now it’s just a webcomic. “You’re welcome,” the man says.

© 2016 Tony Vicory.

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